so i'm just gonna spill it all out on here, for all like 3 of you who read this :)
Its been a long, hard, pressing, shaping, molding, humbling time of brokenness, and maybe a little bit of healing these past couple of years. From surrender. to learning what its like to fall in love with the One who created us and is forever relentless after us. all of me. all of you. to beginning to live in patience. waiting for something my heart longs and desires after. that something being a man to love me to pursue me, to fight for me, and all that jazz. and now finally i feel like God has brought me to a place of restoration, flooding me with crazy loads of joy. peace like none other. and just absolutely content with me and Jesus. sometimes is scares the beegeebies outta me to think about a boy cuttin in what me and Jesus got goin on. cause I've been in that sin before where a relationship and that perfect boy take the very place of Jesus Christ and the way He wants to be with me. so with those two thought mushing together (1. joy, content, peace, totally happy where i'm at and 2. thought of possible just a little bitty maybe of a boy comin into this whole picture) I find myself constantly reminding myself, "Ashley. you need Jesus more. more than yesterday. even someday, if ever, there's a huge rockin ring on my hand, I will STILL need Jesus. His love. His presence. His voice." Its been humbling finding myself on my knees just to say, Jesus I simply need You. More than yesterday. everything is good, but I need You Lord, to stir my affection deeper. to continue to change me. to mold me. may I delight in You my King.
So its a beautiful time in this soul of mine. like a gorgeous spring garden, amazing fragrance and blooms everywhere. seriously! and even still I must decrease and He must increase (John3:30).
I need You more, more than yesterday I need You more. more than words can say. I need You more than ever before. I need You Lord. and as time goes by I'll be by Your side. 'Cause I never want to go back to my old life
-Kim Walker
"may God bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon me"
(my mom used to say this to me before I went to sleep pretty much every night and I love that, so I'm stealing it from her and saying it to you tonight!!)
