a little treat for you readers.

I feel like my blog followers is a fairly small group of people, so I think it's safe to share this here.

Preface: I have no intention of being a songwriter or going into the music industry.
BUT.. I was praying for a sweet friend of mine who's going through some rough times and this song just kind of popped out.

May it inspire you to intercede for those who are hurting.

part III.

In Luke 17. Jesus heals the 10 lepers. Jesus said, "go and show yourselves to the priest" as they went they were cleansed, healed.

I love this story for so many reasons. but maybe most for this reason:

I have a scar that's deep. about 7 years. cuts of the feelings of rejection, stings from placing my hope in someone other than Christ.  I always thought that healing from that would be over a period of time and while yes I've seen how He has bound up my wound and stitched it to relieve pain. Never have I ever experienced so much healing as I did when I was finally free from my plans, my earthly desires. Once I was free from all my plans, as I mentioned in part II, I was finally in a position to be obedient. and like the lepers when I decided to choose the journey and go the way He was saying, that's when I was healed. Facing that scar was painful, like pouring salt all over it. but just like when Jesus wept with Martha and Mary over the death of Lazarus, even though He knew the beautiful ending. In the pain we have a Savior who's right there along side us. The pain ultimately brings Him glory, but that doesn't stop us from asking 'why?' and 'where were you?' how beautiful that our Savior is right there in that pain. He walks us through it because He know it brings Him so much glory. Let Jesus weep with you in those painful moments, let Him use your obedience to heal you of that pain. Because when you see His glorious plans every scar, every hurt, every disease will see healing.

Psalm 138 David says, I will give thanks with my whole heart. in Luke 17, the word healed is sozo in the Greek. It means fully wholly healed, spiritually emotional every part. my whole, healed heart sings and shouts. for He broke through. guided me to be ready for His adventure. and used the beauty of obedience to heal my heart.

"I will give thanks with my whole heart" Psalm 138:1

part II. clean slate

Well after all those walls came crashing down and I realized I still had no plan or to-do list. I had an "oh crap" moment, what did I just give in to. I've seen that He's been leading me to take away my plans, my desires, my dreams and every false hope. taking away a serious dating relationship, plans for marriage right after college, hopes in relationships, desires to be a successful OT. and with all that gone He could step right in and lead the way. I see that the journey that has been so deeply painful at times has brought me to exactly where I need to be, seriously. what I saw as terrible, gracefully positions me to do the work He's prepared in advance for me to do. the fact that I am now single, graduating at 22 and no serious definite plans for a career. what once sounded so hopeless to me is now absolutely beautiful. i may not have it all figured out by the word's and what were once my standards, I am overwhelmingly humbled that He would direct my path even though I've resisted time and time again.

Ok so what I'm really trying to say is this:
So I got back home and was totally at peace that His plans are good, but also very aware that I had no plans still. I randomly ran into a girl I met in Germany about two years ago on a mission trip, she was a journeyman(with International Mission Board) in Macedonia. we grabbed lunch at Sazon (if you live in Lubbock it is a must eat!) During our time together I was so captured by His radiance all over her. her smile, her words. she just beamed Him. That was my new found desire. to be woman so intentional about making disciples through my every move. To be like the woman that Paul talks about in 1 Timothy 5. She prays day and night and her hope is God alone. and here I am set up for this moment. just for this. this spot in my journey. single and no plans. and I want my journey to take the road that will shape me into the woman Paul talks about. to be like miss Emily, it's just who she is, a woman who takes every chance to spur another towards Christ. and not just like generally, I mean like deeply. to suffer for the sake of the gospel. again, single and no plans-the road is so open yet so narrow. the road to be who He's called me to be is one that is fully committed, surrender to the gospel. going, sharing, giving my life. investing.

Because He made a clean slate. and led me to this moment, this specific place in my journey. and while there are still no definites, it's quite possible that the journey ahead looks something like, going.

Maybe He's cleaning your slate right now. taking away your plans, your dreams, your false hopes. take heart my friend. He's directing your path, setting you up to be exactly where He wants you in your journey. enjoy the adventure of letting go.

part I. His plans are good.

Hi my name is Ashley I'm 22 and I freak out when I don't have a plan or a to-do list in hand. That's my confession.  that addiction is often a place that He prods and moves, in a way that I can't fight it.


Take it back a month or so... I found out I was not going to be in Lubbock for the summer. yep, I'm really leavin LBK in may, leaving my family, beautiful community and what I've known as life for 4 years.  some new grads came and gave us the spill on how to tackle studying for our BIG board exam. I still have no idea what I'm doing in December. Moving back home may have some not so fun situations, too close to painful places in my heart. so I mean really who wants to face all that? not me!! especially with no to-do list or plan. so I didn't face it. I just shut off, threw up some walls real quick with all the concrete and hardness that was harboring in my heart. and every time I went to His presence there was all that scary stuff staring me straight in the face, the hardness of my heart weighing heavy and that scar I thought was healed obviously had busted open through the make shift bandage. so I put the walls up even higher and was sure to separate me from every opening, even the opening to His refuge. dumb, I know, but truth.

I was stuck in my apathy with no agenda, no plan and no clue what to do. I finally looked up to see the walls I had built and knew I would never feel safe in those walls. His presence was my only hope for refuge. I broke down right along with those walls. Thankful that He is faithful when I am unfaithful. And a 6 hour drive home would do the rest of the clean-up.

As I drove home facing all those new scary changes, there was one thing that resonated in my heart- His plans are good. No matter what my life may look like in 2 months, 12 months. no matter who is possibly in my hometown when I get there- His plans are good. even if it's painful and scary- His plans are good. My heart began to soften. I found peace, rest.

May you know His peace and rest, because our God is sovereign and His plans are absolutely good. He is perfect in all His ways and He will never let you go.

in need.

Its kind of crazy to believe its already my last spring break as a student, ever! There's still lots of I don't knows in the next 6+ mos of my life. everything from graduation dress to where I will be this time next year. If you ask I'll tell you I'm not worried, stressed, or anxious and in my head I really think I'm not. but my body tells another story. about a month ago, my stomach decided to take a vaca. seriously, just stopped. no motility, no digestion, nothin! the dr kept telling me it was stress but I couldn't pinpoint anything. As I began to pray about it more and more the Lord graciously convicted me that even though I may make 'some' time for the word, prayer and what not, I really wasn't taking time to be still, stop and rest in His presence. I started making more time to be intentional about sitting and resting in His presence. dwelling in the beautiful silence of His majesty. Now my back is hurting like an old woman. and I'm physically, literally reminded, I am in desperate need of Him. like David says in Psalm 63, "my soul longs for you"

The truth is as believers we emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically need Him. all of who we are depends on Him. but we don't live that way. our time schedules don't reflect that at all. I'm overwhelmed that He so graciously breathes life spiritually and physically. I'm thankful that He holds every moment and every detail of the next 12 months of my life. He is sovereign and is absolutely perfect in all His ways. and when I don't even know what to pray the Spirit Himself intercedes on my behalf (Romans 8:26).

so be reminded today, you need Him, we all do. be encouraged that He longs to show His grace and mercy to you. approach the throne of grace with confidence.

may you find peace in His presence.

a hosea heart

I have chased other lovers.
people and possessions.
I've loved the lover of my soul
with only parts of my heart


I've been deep in affairs
idolater, adulteress,
the depths of my heart reveal.


But the Lover I've betrayed
is full of mercy, and grace
His pursuit is endlessly untamed


who He is gives me no other option.
But to fall, madly. deeply
whole heartedly, surrendered in love.

"I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.
I will give back her vineyards and make the valley of troubles a door of hope.
she will sing as in teh days of her youth.." Hosea 1:14-15

Hello little blogger family!!

change, changes, and more changing seem to be the theme of the last year of my life and I'm anticipating lots lots more in the next 4 years. For a while I haven't really been flowing with the current on all this, I've had my heels dug- stuck. not intentionally, my heart just wasn't catching up to speed.

Before:
For starters, as crazy as this sounds, leaving Lubbock was not so appealing to me. I wasn't really as thrilled about graduating as everyone seem to think I should be. All of my closest friends are here. I'm part of a beautiful body of believers. and now my brother has planted himself in the L-B-K. I had no idea of where else to go. I really just wanted to hurry up and meet a guy, date and hey what the heck let's get married in May when I graduate. Crazy huh? and that way if I had to leave lubbock at least I wasn't doing it alone. those we're just the plans I had held on to for so long. they were comfortable. I was completely satisfied in my relationship with the Lord, but let's be real I wasn't even being aware of what He was doing around me and how all that points and leads me to what He desires.

then: Jesus works and works and works and works and works and works on my heart

After:

tentative post graduation plans:

get a jeep+work for an agency as a traveling OT= two thumbs up!

I'm so thankful that He has molded my heart to desire and be completely content, wait super excited about what He has in store. I'm excited for the journey and for the adventure. and its most beautiful just sitting back and letting Him do all the leading.

My prayer is that I would continue to seek His wisdom and abide in Christ to live a life that brings glory to Him.