well i went home this weekend. watched the lil AD play football. shopped all day with mom. talked football with dad. and went to my favorite little country church, Paradise Baptist church. The past few weeks God has really been pressing on my heart to intercede in prayer. not so everyone knows and definitely not for me to get involved or take things into my own hands. just to pray specifically. this was a bit hard to hear at first. I don't really want to intercede. its hard & messy for me. easy to get my emotions wrapped in it. not fun for me. and He kept saying I just want you to pray! Thursday night it all began coming together. "love must be sincere" and "do nothing out of selfish ambition" God said, I want to see this is your prayer life! to pray because of love, true agape, Christ love. and completely free of selfish ambition. don't pray so you can see reward or so you can be recognized. umm... ok God. yea I can't do that cause its weary, hard, hurtful, just doesn't sound good to me. wrong thing to say. Yes, Ashley YOU ARE and I am going to help you. As I began to let this rest in my heart a little, I realize how much more I have to lean on Him! then its gets good! i walk outside in little Caddo Mills TX free of the muck of city and look up at the stars. Oh my its gorgeous!! absolutely THE BEST!! I let His beauty captivate me and steal all my attention as He says, " Ashley, the very hands that orchestrated the stars, the fingerprints that leave such remarkable imprints of beauty. they're the same ones that are holding your life every moment, every action and every PRAYER!" wow! He's good. way good. the drive home was long, but good to let this whole idea really digest. to truly accept His command and decide to be obedient. I was broken that I had been so shallow in my prayers, yet overwhelmed at His forgiveness. As He said, yea you're unworthy, but Im not letting you go anywhere without me. holding you. pursuing you. loving you.
